Human beings are interesting.
When people praise us, we tend to light up inside. Their compliments motivate us, and sometimes they even push us to do more of whatever they are praising us for.
On the other hand, when people criticize us, we often do the opposite. We start shrinking, we begin questioning ourselves. Sometimes we even stop doing good things simply because someone had something negative to say about it.
If you ask me, that’s a very exhausting way to live.
I once heard a great man of God say something that has stayed with me for years:
“Treat people’s praises like chewing gum. Once the taste is gone, spit it out. Don’t swallow it.”
Funny, but very true.
The same applies to criticism. Not every compliment should get into your head, and not every criticism deserves a permanent place in your heart.
## SO HOW DO YOU LIVE INDEPENDENTLY OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK?
The answer is simple, though not always easy: become deeply self-aware.
Take time away from the noise. Take a break from the endless notifications, conversations, meetings, and responsibilities. Sit with yourself.
Ask yourself:
- Who am I really?
- What are my values?
- What are my strengths?
- What are my weaknesses?
- What habits am I proud of?
- What habits am I currently working on?
- What annoys me?
- What motivates me?
You should know yourself well enough that when people describe you, you’re not hearing that information for the first time.
## WHY SELF-AWARENESS PROTECTS YOU
One of the benefits of self-awareness is that people’s opinions lose their power to destabilize you.
Why? Because you already know the truth about yourself. If someone points out one of your weaknesses, it doesn’t shock you. You already know it’s there. You’re already working on it.
And if someone starts spreading stories that have absolutely no truth in them, you are not easily shaken because you know they are simply projecting their opinions onto you.
The dangerous path is accepting every opinion that comes your way as truth. That is a recipe for confusion.
The Bible talks about a double-minded person being unstable in all their ways. Why? Because every voice becomes their compass. Every opinion becomes a new direction. Every criticism becomes a crisis. Every compliment becomes an identity.
Imagine living like that. Today someone says you’re amazing, and you’re on top of the world. Tomorrow someone says you’re terrible, and your whole confidence collapses.
Ah! That sounds stressful. 😄
## LET ME USE MYSELF AS AN EXAMPLE
I have already confessed in a previous article that I am a certified talkative. My “chochocho” is plenty. In fact, part of the reason I started writing is because speaking alone was no longer sufficient. 😄
So if a group of people gather somewhere and decide to troll me because I talk too much, honestly, they’ll be wasting their precious data.
Why? Because I already know. This is not breaking news. I have accepted the reality and I’m actively working on improving it. Their comments won’t move me because they are telling me something I already know.
On the flip side, imagine somebody comes to me and says: “Amma is such a quiet person.”
At this point, I don’t know whether to laugh or check if they have mistaken me for someone else. 😄 Because we all know that statement is not true.
And this is exactly my point. Even if everybody lies to you, don’t lie to yourself.
There are compliments you should politely reject internally because you know they don’t reflect reality. And there are criticisms you should completely ignore because they are based on assumptions, projections, or people’s personal expectations of you.
## DON’T LET PEOPLE DEFINE YOU THROUGH THEIR LENS
One of the most dangerous things you can do is allow other people to define you through their lens.
People see life from their own experiences. Sometimes they misunderstand you. Sometimes they misjudge you. Sometimes they simply don’t know enough about your situation.
For example, someone may call you wicked because you refused to lend them money. But what if you genuinely didn’t have the money? Or what if giving them money would have put you into financial difficulty yourself? Does saying “no” automatically make you wicked? Of course not!
Yet some people will gladly hand over money they don’t have, or even borrow money themselves, just to avoid being called names.
My question is: is that really the kind of life you want to live?
## KNOW YOURSELF
Know yourself. Study yourself. Understand yourself. Apart from God, you should know yourself more than anyone else does.
That way, people don’t get to define you with their opinions. They don’t get to use their lens as your mirror.
Accept genuine feedback. Reject unnecessary labels. Work on your weaknesses. Celebrate your strengths.
But above all... don’t lie to yourself.
Because when you know who you are, both praise and criticism lose the power to control your life.
Not everything people say about you is true. But not everything people say about you is false either. The wisdom is knowing the difference, and that starts with knowing yourself.
**What’s a label someone tried to put on you that you had to reject because it just wasn’t true? Tell me in the comments. 👇**
This was such a beautiful read! With so many voices trying to define us, it’s refreshing to be reminded that true stability starts with knowing yourself. Indeed, when you study yourself and understand who you are, both praise and criticism lose their ability to control you.