We live in a world where attention is currency. One viral post, one breakthrough moment, one stroke of luck from the algorithm gods, and suddenly everybody knows your name. Some become your biggest supporters overnight. Others become your long-lost friends. 😄
But if we’re being honest, the need for approval didn’t start with social media. It has always been there.
Back in primary school, we wanted to be accepted by the popular kids. In high school, we secretly enjoyed it when teachers praised us in front of the class. As adults, not much has changed. We still want to be liked. We still want to be loved. We still want to be accepted. The only difference is that social media has amplified it.
Because we want to be seen as good people, many of us end up bending over backwards to help others. Sometimes to our own detriment.
WHEN KINDNESS COSTS TOO MUCH
Now don’t get me wrong. Wanting to help people is not a bad thing. In fact, I think it is one of the most beautiful traits a person can have.
The problem is when kindness starts costing you more than you can afford. That’s where wisdom comes in.
There is something you should know about human beings. We are naturally selfish. I remember learning in Economics that: “Human wants are insatiable.” At the time, it sounded like an exam definition. Now it sounds like life experience. 😄
People will praise you for your kindness. They’ll tell you how much you’ve helped them. They’ll remind you of how you “saved” them when they were in need. And before you realize it, you’ve built an identity around being the helper.
Then one day, life happens. You cannot help. And suddenly you feel guilty.
WHEN PEOPLE USE YOUR OWN KINDNESS AGAINST YOU
Have you noticed how people can manipulate you using your own kindness? They remind you of everything you’ve done for them. They tell emotional stories. They make you feel responsible for problems that are not yours to solve. And because you don’t want to disappoint them, you keep saying yes. Even when everything in you is screaming no.
No, my dear. Don’t do that to yourself.
If you let people, they will drain you completely and still find a way to blame you. Harsh? Maybe. But life has taught me that sometimes people will keep taking as long as you’re willing to keep giving.
Let’s be practical. How do you give your entire salary to a colleague who earns the same salary as you... when your own children’s school fees have not been paid? Who do you? 😄😄😄
And you did it because you felt guilty.
No. That’s not kindness. That’s poor boundary management.
MR. OTUA, MEETS BOUNDARIES
Now let me share my opinion. Actually, you’re already here, so I will share it anyway. 😄
Don’t live for the approval of others. Be kind. Be generous. Be compassionate. The Bible encourages all of these things.
But please... don’t allow your kindness to turn you into “Mr. Otua.”
SAYING NO AT WORK
Let’s enter the corporate world for a moment. Many of us take pride in being hardworking. And rightly so. Hard work pays. I believe in excellence. I believe in diligence. I believe in giving your best.
However, there is a difference between hard work and exploitation. A big difference.
If your workload keeps increasing without any form of prioritization... if impossible deadlines have become normal... if you’re constantly sacrificing your health and sanity in the name of commitment... it may be time to have a conversation.
Saying:
“I am currently at capacity.”
or
“Can we agree on priorities?”
is not rebellion. It’s wisdom.
You can say no respectfully. You can push back professionally. You can protect your well-being without being disrespectful. After all, you only have one life. And if you destroy your health while chasing a promotion, what exactly was the point?
NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR LIFE MORE THAN YOU DO
This applies to family too. And now let me say something that may sound controversial.
Apart from God, nobody cares about your life more than you do.
Read that again.
People may love you. People may support you. People may genuinely care about you. But at the end of the day, you are the one who must live with the consequences of your decisions.
The painful reality is that sometimes, no matter how much you give people, the day you cannot give anymore, they become disappointed. Some may even become angry.
And that’s okay. Let them.
Your responsibility is not to meet every expectation. Your responsibility is to live wisely.
LEARN TO SAY NO
So learn to say no.
- Say no when it affects your health.
- Say no when it destroys your peace.
- Say no when it compromises your priorities.
- Say no when it creates a burden you cannot carry.
And please remember: people will survive your no. They’re stronger than you think. 😄
Does this mean we stop helping people? Absolutely not. Be generous. Be available. Be kind. But let divine wisdom sit in the driver’s seat. Not guilt.
You do not have to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
Help when you can. Give when you’re led to. Support where possible. But never confuse kindness with self-neglect.
Because a well-timed “no” can be just as healthy, loving, and wise as a “yes.” And sometimes, protecting your peace is not selfish.
It’s stewardship. 💙
Is there a “yes” you’ve been giving out of guilt instead of conviction? Tell me in the comments. 👇
Say it again and most often (with the work scenario) you would not get that promotion. Why? Because you cannot say 'no'.